Argument
by Dyana-of-Tortall
Summary: Short, surreal 'thing' set in the dark god's realm. UPDATE: 4 is up!
1. Default Chapter

Delia: You thought you could just cast me away, Well I will be back one day, And when I am, We'll see, we'll see Jon -  
  
Roger: Damn you Alanna you £$%£^&*(£"%&! Damn you Jonathon you £"$%*()%£^^! Damn you Gareth you (*&^£$$%£&()(! Damn you -  
  
Delia: ROGER! I was reciting an epic poem to Jonathon and you spoilt it by swearing you big (*&%$%£%^&***(^&%&%&%^&^&^%&&*%%££)()(()!!!  
  
Roger: What! I though I used bad language!  
  
Delia: I was copying, ladies don't use bad language!  
  
DARK GOD: What the hell's going on!? Hey, anyone like to explain??? Stop using such foul language you *&$&^£%^£&^%*(^*()&*^ measly mouthed &*()&*(%*%&$^$^% idiotic 9(&*(^&%^%^£%£%£&^$&^$%&^&%^%&^%^$&^ damn ^&%&^^*(*()*()&^*(^*(^*(!!!  
  
(Everyone in realm stares at him)  
  
DARK GOD: Well someone had to shut them up! 


	2. Chapter 2

"Kick his ass Kel!" "Owen!" "But Kel, I only want you to whip him!" "Owen!" "Jesslaw! Shut up!" Even with his head bandaged Lord Wyldon of Cavall could still hear the new Sir Owen of Jesslaw cheering on his friend, Keladry of Mindelan. She was dancing with their friend Faleron who had remarked on her nice dress. "Lord Wyldon, why are you here?" Owen asked, shocked and yet subdued. "Because, Sir Owen, I happened to need to speak to their Majesties. Carry on." 


	3. Chapter 3 2in1

Googlepuss: I'm not surprised. Maybe you'll get this one.  
  
Tonitrus: You get it! You are the only person I know to get it. I read FREAK. It's seriously funny. Keep writing it! By the way, Scorpion rocks and down all Mary Sues.  
  
This is a two-in-one episode for you all.  
  
  
  
'Delia, My rose, my pearl.-'  
  
"Hey, Numy, come look at this!"  
  
"What Diane? Oohhhhhhh! It seem to be a love letter from Jonathon in his, ahem, younger days."  
  
"Ohhh, Numy, can I use it as emotional blackmail, I'm bored?"  
  
"Of coarse, sweetling. Now, can I get back to my experiments?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
LATER:  
  
"JONATHON!"  
  
"Oh ***********!"(Use your imagination!)  
  
  
  
  
  
I know, utter randomness. Oh well.  
  
Scene 2:  
  
Neal is wandering around might peeved 'cos no one will listen to his poetry.  
  
Big Blue Shiny Thing is wandering around might peeved 'cos Tonitrus wouldn't listen to his life story.  
  
Naturally, they meet  
  
B.B.S.T: Hey Dude!  
  
Neal: Dude?  
  
B.B.S.T: Yeah, dude!  
  
Neal: What the hell? Oh well. I will continue my peeved walking.  
  
B.B.S.T: You're peeved too? Far out! Tonitrus won't listen to my life story!  
  
Neal: Uh, ok then. No one will listen to my ultra long poetry.  
  
B.B.S.T: Whatever. Mine is like, soooo longer than yours!  
  
Neal: Wanna bet?  
  
B.B.S.T: Sure! You're going down!  
  
Neal: Yeah right! I'm going first. Oh Uline, you're so divine.  
  
23 POINT 59 HOURS LATER:  
  
Neal: The End. Ha! Beat that!  
  
B.B.S.T: Ok. It all started one sunny, no, actually it was rainy.  
  
23 POINT 58 HOURS LATER:  
  
B.B.S.T: And now it's all up to date.  
  
Neal: Yes!  
  
B.B.S.T: What?  
  
Neal: I was one second longer!  
  
B.B.S.T: Were not!  
  
Neal: Were to!  
  
B.B.S.T: Let's do it again.  
  
Neal: Yeah! It's wonderful having a captive audience for once!  
  
  
  
Well, what do you guys think? Review and tell me! 


	4. Chapter 4 An unexpected interuption to ...

Hey! I've finally got round to updating this. Today for you I have something extra special. While snooping around, for Scorpion no doubt, Alissa found this. It is from behind the scenes of Tortall - The Stage Show! Today we have, Duke Roger and his agent...  
  
  
  
  
  
Duke Roger (on a mobile [cell] phone) : No! You have to save me from this! What do you mean, the contract is binding? I'm the duke of Conte!  
  
Agent: No, you stupid ghost, you aren't. Currently you're dead and if you start talking like Orzorne I'll do something drastic. Maybe vote for Alanna as champion commercials.  
  
Roger: Bloody evil point taken. Seriously, you NEED to help me! They've let the fanfics run wild! I have to fall in love with Alanna and Gary, sing a duet with Neal who, I might add, wasn't even born in my time and is currently engaged in a ongoing poetry contest with a Big Blue Swirly Thing. Then, he's going to ask Tonitrus for a contest. I have to have numerous connections with unsavoury characters -  
  
Agent: Hey Roger, in case it's slipped your mind, you are an unsavoury character. You are also very scarily the stereotypical high class charming European villain but that doesn't make you any less unique. Now, I told you when you signed on the dotted line that it wouldn't be a straightforward job, wait [pause] - are you POUTING young man?  
  
Roger: [Sulking] Why aren't you afraid? I'm, like, the Duke of Conte, like hello!  
  
Agent: Firstly, you've stolen that line from a, Orzorne and b, Kel the Valleygirl in Never Gonna Happen in Tortall! Secondly, you are coming with me and we are going to see the Tortall election committee. They need someone for that Alanna commercial...  
  
Roger: Noooooo! Damn the democracy that is not even in Tortall! When I was a lad then good old dictatorship was enough but - [Pause. Roger suddenly looks scared out of his wits. Scorpion and Alissa walk in, Scorpion with a machine gun, Alissa with a flame-thrower.]  
  
Alissa: Hey, It's that evil duke. You know, you've always been a role-model of mine...  
  
Scorpion: Alissa, don't bother the evil Duke. We have work to do.  
  
Alissa: Oh yeah. I'd apologise but I'm an evil cannibalistic muse. Hey Duke, got a free time in your schedule?  
  
Roger: Uh, sure. Saturday, 5:30?  
  
Alissa: No problem. We have a lot to discuss, you me and my flame-thrower.  
  
[Scorpion and Alissa walk off smirking to find some poor, unsuspecting Mary Sue to torture. Roger suddenly realises what Alissa said]  
  
Roger: Oh hell!  
  
  
  
  
  
Sorry, that was a rather poor chapter. Next time will be better. I needed to get that one out of my system. Thanks for the reviews, Googlepuss, Scorpion and Keita. Next chapter we will be back to the scheduled viewing program. Ciao,  
  
Dyana and Alissa 


End file.
